Dead End
by I'mBeingCompletelySirius138
Summary: James tries to comfort Lily after a detrimental realization. I don't want to give away too much in the summary so here you go. Read and give a review if you want. I just wanted to get the story out here. :)
1. I'm meaningless

**AN: This is a Two-Shot. The idea kind of popped into my head the one day. This is one of my biggest fears so I hope I made it clear to you all. Ok... read! All Hail Rowling!**

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James approached the door slowly. He had no idea how to handle something like this. This was a whole different animal that no amount of training or experience could prepare him for. There was not a spell on Earth that could make this right.

James pushed open the door to reveal a dark room. It was high noon but the curtains were drawn so only a little light shown from the edges. The light from the hall cast shadows across the furniture. The bed, centered on the back wall, was perfectly made. On top of the covers was Lily, curled in a ball on her side.

James took a deep breath before entering the room. He then tread lightly on the carpet. He reached the bedside with Lily's back to him. James crawled onto the covers, fitting himself behind her perfectly. He laced his arms around her waist, pulling her closer.

In the proximity, James could hear the weeping. It had been off and on for days. Random moments of depression would overcome her and she would be useless. It would happen randomly: while she was eating breakfast, watching TV, baking cookies, or cleaning the bathrooms. She would stop, her eyes welling with tears, and she would go to their room for hours and just weep. At first, James thought it was just the war finally getting to her, but he quickly figured it out.

She had been like this ever since their meeting with the doctor. James and Lily had decided not to wait on having a baby. They had been fighting this war since they had left Hogwarts and they knew it would be over soon. A baby was their next step in their life together and the war was not going to stop them. After a year and a half of no luck, they visited the doctor. After a number of x-rays and procedures, the doctors told her she was infertile. There was not a large explanation, just that sometimes these things happen and there are a lot of people who aren't fertile. She hadn't failed, but it certainly had hit Lily hard. She wanted a baby so badly.

You see, during her episodes Lily would hold onto a stuffed bear that her mother had given to her as a small wedding present. Her mother had stage three breast cancer and wasn't estimated to live long after the wedding. So she gave Lily the bear as an early baby shower gift. It was going to be the baby's first toy. Lily would hold the bear close, with tears coating the stuffed head.

"Lils?" James asked tentatively. He wasn't sure if she'd respond, it depended on the day.

"Hmmm?" she answered, not moving a muscle.

James started to stroke Lily's hair. It helped calm her down and James was looking for anything. He said, "I know what's wrong, Lily. I know and I understand."

Lily tucked her head farther down. She was shaking her head, clutching the bear tighter. "You can't possibly know what I'm going through, James." She paused before continuing. "It's not your fault. It's just impossible for you to know. For as long as I can remember I've wanted to have children, to be a mother. I wanted to be able to carry a life inside of me. A life that you and I had created. Now with one doctor's visit, I find out it's impossible. I will never have a baby boy growing and kicking inside of me. I will never hold my baby girl in my arms and sing to her. I'm a dead end! I'm useless! It's like I've lost some light inside of me and now all that's left is a dark, aching hole in my chest. My life has no purpose..." and with that her weeping started up again.

James felt powerless. His true love was in shambles and there wasn't a way to comfort her. He felt the pain Lily felt. He felt crushed, but more so, he felt angry. Why was Lily, the light of the world and his life, the kindest, most loving person in the world, not allowed to be a mother? Why were Deatheaters allowed to have children, but not Lily?

It was inconceivably unfair and James was infuriated. But he knew he couldn't show it, it would only upset Lily more to see him angry. So he continued to stroke her hair, calming her. When she was quiet, he started again.

"Lily, you are not useless. Your life has immense purpose. Stop thinking like a Healer and genetics and think about how many lives you've affected. Without you, Marlene McKinnon would have been destroyed by the Carrows. Without you, Lupin would have never had the courage to take on the werewolf missions. Without you, Sirius would have never passed Potions in 7th year and wouldn't have been able to save my life at the Malfoy Manor. Without you, I would be lost. Lily, you are my entire life. Never say that you have no purpose. You make me the happiest man on Earth and the best version of myself.

"I know you want a baby. I do too. It would make me even happier to share the life with you. But you can't blame yourself because it could happen to anyone..."

"Not to you," Lily interjected.

"No, not to me, but to plenty of women out there. There are women just like you that can't get pregnant. That doesn't make them any less of a person or woman. They are still important people. It's the same with you, Lily."

At this he twisted Lily's torso toward him. He spoke directly to her face, "You are wonderful, fertile or not. You are my perfect Lily and I wouldn't change anything about you. Sure, we can't make a baby. We'll adopt if we really want to. Do not blame any of this on you."

Lily turned to completely face James. He laid back down on the covers, still looking into her eyes. Lily sighed and she placed the bear behind her. She laced her arms around her love and pulled him close. James tightened his embrace and pressed his lips to her forehead. Lily tilted her head up to meet his lips.

When they met, Lily wanted nothing more than to be even closer to him. She wanted to feel him against her entire body. "James," she whispered.

"Yes, Love?" he asked still trailing his lips across her neck.

Lily took a deep breath before continuing. "I want you to make love to me, right now."

James stopped his kisses. He looked at Lily's face. His expression was pained. He didn't want Lily fall into this state again. "Lily..."

"No, James. We're not trying to get pregnant. I want you to do it because I want to be as close to you as I can right now. I love you, James. You are my world and have been for a long time. I never want to be without you. You are the love of my life and I want to make love to the love of my life. Is that a crime?"

James gave a small smile before kissing Lily again. They both were overwhelmed by the passion flowing between them. James surfaced only to say, "No it's not, my love," before falling into the deep passion growing within them.

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**AN: Crushing you, right? Probably not, but that's ok. I just needed to get this on a doc before I completely lost it. But yes, this is one of my biggest fears as a maturing woman. I have never had a regular woman cycle and I'm terrified that something like this will happen to me. Sorry for the personal info, but it has been pretty relevant lately and it was too perfect a story line to give up. The second part of this will hopefully be up soon. I'm also working on my larger story at the same time, so we'll see how it goes. Ok, I'm done now. :) Review if you want. I always appreciate them. :)**


	2. Years to go

**AN: Sorry it took so long. I didn't mean to put it off for so long, but it kinda happened so yeah. Here's the second part to my 2-shot. I hope you like it!**

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James hit the floor with a pop. He never liked apparating directly into their home. It was restricting and too many things could go wrong. But Dumbledore has insisted that he and Lily start taking more precautionary measures. If Dumbledore wanted them to be completely out of danger, he shouldn't have recruited them for the order.

James mindlessly stripped off his robes and hung them on the peg behind the door. Slipping his wand into his pants pocket, he made his way to the kitchen doorway.

Before he pushed the door open, he heard Lily singing her favorite Celestina Warbeck song. The Wizarding Wireless playing softly in the background.

James smiled and sighed, leaning his head against the door frame. Lily was so happy nowadays. Yes, she hated being cooped up in the house. Yes, she hated having to learn the trades of a housewife. But she was utterly content with her life. She saw the joy in life again. It was an incredible transformation and James couldn't be any happier.

The smell of frying bacon wafted through the closed door. James' stomach moaned in protest. These graveyard surveillance shifts didn't allow for meal time and it was catching up with him. Rubbing his eyes, James pushed open the door and was met with the most perfect sound on Earth.

The euphoric squeals from the baby seat in the corner were enough to melt a tired man's heart. The mixture of laughter and joy must have resulted from Lily, who was standing over the baby, tapping his nose. With each tap, the squeals took on new life and tumbled into a fit of giggles.

James walked over and wrapped his arm around his wife's waist. Slightly startled, Lily jumped and met her loving husband's eyes. Joy spread across her features as she leaned up to kiss him. It was warm and comforting. She had missed him and was glad he was back. As they parted, Lily's eyes continued to search him, making sure he was still in one piece.

James laughed and turned toward the child in the corner. His son, Harry James Potter, was sitting happily in his rocker. Still only a half a year old, his son was growing fast. He was long and his grip kept getting tighter and tighter. What was truly the best though, was the massive amounts of hair upon his head. His son was born with a mop of dark and tangled locks. Sirius joked that Harry's name had stemmed from that, rather than Lily's father, Harold.

Lily hugged her husband tighter. "You know, he said his first word last night." Sha said, leaning her head upon his chest.

James smiled sadly. Of course he had missed it. The Order didn't hae the best hours and certainly didn't have vacation time. "What did he say?" James asked wrapping his arms more securely around his wife.

"Pad," Lily answered.

"Pad?! As in Padfoot?" James asked, pushing Lily away slightly so he could look her in the eye.

"I know. Sirius came over for dinner and was playing with Harry. He was telling him a Marauder story. Somethinmg about he brave Prongs and Padfoot sneaking up to the Owlery. Anyway, it turned into a song and soon Harry was trying to sing along," Lily laughed at the memory.

James chuckled. Sirius would manage claim the baby's first word. Oh we'll, he thought. I can think of no one better.

"That's alright," James said, bringing Lily back towards him. He kissed her forehead softly. The pressure from her embrace was comforting. He dropped one of his hands toward his son. Harry, with his miniature hand, grabbed ahold of his father's finger.

James could not have been happier. With his wife in his arms and his son holding on to him, his lie was perfect. The two people who meant more than the world to him. There was no magic in the world that could match this feeling.

Lily released him and picked Harry up out of his rocker. He squealed with delight, all the while grabbing for his mother's shoulders. Lily turned back to James. She turned Harry around to pass to him. James took his son in his arms. Harry tugged at his shirt and dug his fingers into James' hair.

Lily smiled as she watched the two interact. The life she had hoped to bring into the world was here, James' arms. With some stroke of luck, Lily had conceived and had been granted her dearest wish. When Harry had been born, it was the happiest day of their lives. Lily wrapped her arm around her husband and smiled lovingly at her son.

Suddenly, both James and Lily caught a scent in the air.

"Oh, bollocks!" Lily said as she scrambled to the stove. This whole cooking thing was far too tedious.

"Lily! Not in front of the kid..." James said, laughing.

With a loving glare, lily turned back to the stove. She wasn't mad or annoyed. This was just another perfect event in her perfect life. They would have years burnt bacon and overcooked eggs and she couldn't wait to share them with James and Harry.

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**AN: So did you like it? Let me know! Thank you to those people who reviewed after the first installment and waited until I had this one done. Thank you! And btw... ALL HAIL ROWLING! :)**


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